Mrs. Incredible and a slight change of plans.

We wanted to give you an update on our adoption as so much has changed in the past 24 hours.  We received our itinerary this morning and we were a little shocked that it had us staying in Beijing for the entire first week.  It turns out that Mercy's province is providing a bit of difficulty during stage of the adoption. 

In a normal adoption process (for Ch*na) a family will travel to the capital of their child's province.  The orphanage transports their child to the capital from their residing city within the province.  You meet your child at the civil affairs office where a govt. official "witnesses" your gotcha moment.  Then you stay in your child's province for 1 week and at some  point during that week return to the civil affairs office to finalize the adoption in province. 

Mercy's province does very few international adoptions.  This was something that we learned early on.  Mercy's orphanage specifically has no experience in international adoption.   We have been told that the Hebei Province (where she is from) is being very difficult.  They do not want Mercy brought to the capital for a gotcha day.  This was all very troubling at the onset, but as we had to work through many things today we are beginning to see how God's Sovereign hand continues to reign in this adoption.

You see because the govt officials do not want Mercy brought to the capital, that means we actually will go directly to her orphanage and get her!!!  This means we are guaranteed to visit her place of residence and meet those who have been taking care of her.  This is actually an answer to prayer because not every family gets the privilege of going to their child's orphanage.  We will have time to ask her caretaker questions about her via our translator.  We were told we can stay as long as the process needs to.  Not sure what that really translate to. 

We will actually leave with Mercy and return back to Beijing on a high speed train that very same day.  This will need to be covered in prayer.  This day is traumatic enough for every adopted child.  Most families get to retreat back to a local hotel room so if their child is struggling they have the privacy of their hotel room to let their child grieve or to work towards bonding and getting to know their child.  We on the other hand will have to travel on a 2 hour train ride.  So this poor little girl has to not only deal with these two totally strange people taking her from the only home she knows, but then we are going to take her on a train.  It is most likely something she has never experienced before.  We have no idea how she will respond to this.  She may cry the entire time, she may be so emotionally spent she conks out or she may just shut down and show any reaction at all.  There is no way of knowing until we are there.  But my momma heart hates that she has to endure so much so quickly.

On a positive note, we head back to our hotel in Beijing where we will have already spent two nights.  We will have some time to prepare for her "hotel-homecoming" and we completely eliminate staying in Beijing for one night, packing up and dragging all our luggage to her province to unpack again.  We will only have two hotel stays this entire trip, one week each.  That is huge!  The other positive is that while we can't speak from experience we are pretty confident that Beijing will be slightly more westernized then Mercy's province.  We are more likely to see other American faces.  It is much more touristy so there is more to accommodate foreigners.  We also opted out of any sightseeing in Beijing for financial reasons, but now we will have the opportunity to tour the Great Wall, Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City, and/or the Olympic Village, all depending on how our girly is doing.  We are more likely to find people who speak English and we are more likely to find western toilets!!!  (yes, I'm still slightly freaked by the squatty potty)

Now for another down side.  We will spend all day Tuesday and Wednesday in Beijing, but Thursday we will have to travel back to Mercy's province by train again.  This time we will travel to the capital to the civil affairs office to finalize the in-province part of the adoption.  When we are done we will hopefully do a little sightseeing around her province and try to snap some pictures for her of where she is from, then back on the train and back to Beijing where we will spend one more night.  We will catch a plane early Friday morning for our flight down to Guangzhou where we will spend our second week processing the US side of the adoption.

Our caseworker shared that she has never had anything like this happen before.  She also said that while this is so not normal, she has every confidence that it will all be fine.  She also feels that we will be much better served by the guide and translator in Beijing and feels we will enjoy our time there more.  Overall we see a lot more positive than negative.  It does break my heart that we won't get to experience her province's culture, not for myself, but for her.  It would be nice to have these things to share with her when she is older.

I often admire Mrs. Incredible in the movie "The Incredibles."  She has the power to stretch and be flexible in crazy situations and various trials her family faces as they fight evil villains.  I want to be flexible and stretch for my family too.  I especially want to be flexible when those evil villains control, fear and worry battle against  the good of surrender, trust, and faith.  This adoption has definitely made me more aware of how stiff and inflexible I can be.  But just like a new rubber band, after much stretching becomes more loose and can be stretched further with each use, I hope that the more opportunities I have to be stretched (and this adoption has provided MANY) the more flexible I will become too.  

Only three more sleeps!!!

The Story of a Little Girl

This morning was our last Sunday at church as a family of five.  Scott was given an opportunity to share a short testimony of our adoption to date.  Our pastor and church family prayed for us as we prepare to leave.  It was a beautiful morning, filled with tears, excitement and encouragement.  Even the worship and scriptures read this morning lifted my spirit as there was a continued theme of trusting in the Lord.  I was so proud of Scott this morning.  He spoke with poise, he spoke gently and he shared such a beautiful story that I almost forgot it's my story too!  With Jesus we have every spiritual blessing and that includes our church family.

Here is what Scott shared this morning:

"I’d like to tell you the story of a little girl.  For reasons we may never know, this little girl’s family wasn’t able to provide for all of her needs.  And in January of last year she was placed in an orphanage in northern China.  On that exact same day, half a world away, a family whose hearts had been stirred by God to bring another child into their family was officially accepted into China’s adoption program.  Though the child and family knew nothing about each other, God’s perfect plan was already unfolding.  Almost a year later, the first day that child’s name appeared on China’s shared adoption list was also the first time our family was eligible to be matched from that list – and the Lord’s sovereign hand connected our paths for good.  Though there was a huge distance between us, and she still had no idea we existed, we loved her and were willing to take on all of the obstacles in the way to bring her into our family.

For those who don’t know our story – this is Mercy, and yes she is Chinese, but she has a condition known as albinism.  Her body does not produce normal levels of pigment, so she has very pale skin and white hair.  As a father (and mother), we look at her picture and feel a love in our hearts for her that is unexplainable, save that we are made in the image and likeness of God.  And this process has given us such fresh insight into the heart of God for His children.  Mercy’s story is also my story (and your story.)  My earthly family was not capable of providing for all of my needs, but there was a heavenly father that could.  And though there was a huge gap between us, and I still had no idea He existed, He loved me (and He loved you.)  And He was willing to take on all of the obstacles in the way to bring us into His family.  While we were still rejecting Him or ignoring Him or just otherwise oblivious to Him, He paid a heavy price in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross to open the door for us to be adopted into His glorious kingdom.

Though it was nothing like His sacrifice, we also had to pay a heavy price in time and resources to allow our daughter to come home (which we are now on the brink of accomplishing).  But we have been blessed by tremendous help from our family (and that’s all of you!)  From the start of this process we have been shown overwhelming support, and we wanted to take this time to deeply thank you all.  Our spaghetti dinner (believe it or not) was a year ago yesterday.  And it humbles me to this day to remember the willingness and eagerness that so many of you showed to give of your time and energy as well as financially.  So much food and so many auction items donated; so many hands volunteered to do the work of setting up and cooking and serving and cleaning up; such a blessing to our souls to feel the unconditional support of our church family!  And that was just the beginning.  In the weeks and months that have passed since then we are constantly asked “How are things going?”, “What can I do to help?”, “Here’s something I thought you could use?”, and “What specifically can I pray about for you?”

And let me tell you we have felt those prayers all along the journey.  God has provided consistently, “exceedingly abundantly more than we can ask or imagine”.  Making sure we had all of the funds we needed exactly when we needed them.  Connecting us with complete strangers who had kids with similar conditions as Mercy to encourage us when our spirits were low.  Having a couple of seats open up on the “fully booked” flight we wanted appear just as we called to make a reservation.  But most of all – providing a supernatural sense of peace about bringing Mercy into our home – even in the face of doubts and fears.  I don’t want to paint an unfair picture – those doubts and fears still do come.  Like countless others before us, no matter how many times God provides, we still question “But what about this?”, “Can I really trust you to provide that?”  But God has been faithful to bring us peace in our hearts when we remember to focus on Him.  And thanks to so many of you who have helped us to get our focus back on Him when we needed it most.

Adoption is not easy (and we’re just getting started!)  There are so many of you here that have gone before us, and have so much more to tell than we do.  And we have benefited greatly from your friendship and experience and wise council – thank you so much for your time and patience, sharing your journey with us and illuminating God’s work in the lives of your families.  We look forward to being able to do the same someday, and share our stories of God’s grace to those who take this journey next.  Let me encourage those who may be hearing the call of James “to care for orphans” in your lives, but are filled with fear or feelings of inadequacy – we have those feelings too, but we are not in this alone!  When I first thought about putting Mercy’s picture up on the screen – the thought struck me that I don’t even need to!  Because most of you already look at her picture every day.  She’s hanging on refrigerators and bulletin boards, in picture frames and on computer desktops all around this region.  The world looks at her and sees a poor little orphan girl without a family – but the reality is she has a huge family!  A family that is anxiously waiting with open arms to gather her in.  Eagerly anticipating her arrival to shower unconditional love upon her.  And at the front of the line is Jesus Christ himself who longs for her to know Him, and trust Him, and love Him as He loves her.

Our ultimate prayer is not that Mercy will have a better life, or have her medical needs met more effectively, or bring joy to our home – though we do hope for all those things.  Our deepest prayer is that she would know Jesus and receive His salvation from sin.  And we are so glad to have all of you, as her extended family to help her to find Him.

Isaiah 43 

1 But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.

4 Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.

5 Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.

6 I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,

7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”

We leave for China this Friday, May the 10^th.  If all goes according to plan, Mercy will be in our arms on Mother’s Day – what a gift, right? 

Thanks for being such good stewards of God’s grace.  Thanks for supporting us, encouraging us, and lifting us up in prayer.  Thanks for opening your hearts to our Mercy, just as you have to Michaela, Matthew, and Mason and for sharing your walks of faith with them.  We couldn’t do this without you.

Thank you!"

This is the picture that was up on the screen.

One Anniversary to the next

One year ago today we had 250 of some of our closest friends, family, and supporters and even a few people we didn't know gather together for a Spaghetti Dinner.  That evening the Lord poured out blessings beyond measure.  We raised enough to cover all of the fees for our paperwork processing and left a little extra for things that laid ahead.  One year ago today, on that same night Scott and I were also celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary.  Many didn't know it at the time, but we couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than gathering so many together to share our new passion for adoption.  You can read a past blog post here:  Spaghetti Dinner  The Lord had more in store for that evening then helping to provide for our adoption.  A healing took place that night that will forever be impressed on my heart, you can read about it here:  Grace and Healing

So today now marks 17 years of wedding bliss (sometimes not so bliss) for the two of us.  One year later and here we are just one week away from landing in a foreign country that will change the life we know today forever.  It's crazy really.  I keep asking how we ever got on this road.  Some days I am so excited and other days I feel so inadequate, terrified really.  But everyday I'm thankful.  Thankful for a husband who is such a great support and who from the beginning has taken the lead on this journey.  Thankful for a Lord who is so personal that He has addressed everyone of my fears.  So thankful for my kids who have embraced in their hearts this little sister they have never met.  So thankful for our family and friends who have lifted us up when we were weary, encouraged our hearts, supported us and prayed.  I'm thankful that the whole of this part of the journey is nearing an end and a new one beginning.  I'm thankful for 17 years of highs and lows with a husband who puts up with more than any man should.  I often jokingly refer to him as Mr. Mercy, now to become the father of our daughter Mercy. He has always had the gift of mercy, and now he will have the gift of Mercy.

 We have made many memories over past anniversaries, but these may become some of the most memorable along the way.  Thanks Scott for being a great husband, father and for being the god-fearing Jesus seeking man that you are.  Happy Anniversary, I love you.

The many faces of Mercy

I want to share a few pictures that we have received along the way.  You can see how she has changed since we first met her in November.  I want to plug a private service called Lady Bugs N' Love who we have been blessed to use.  They are a third party service in Ch*na who offers care package services, cake deliveries, picture and update requests as well as letter translation if you would like to write your child during the wait.  The benefit of using someone in country is that anything shipped from here will cause the orphanage or foster home to be charged import taxes.  Many of these places do not have the money to pay these fees and will turn care packages and gifts away.  When you use a source like Lady Bugs N' Love then everything is bought and shipped in Ch*na.  We have put her service to use many times during the last 5 months.  Early on we sent a care package with an outfit, a stuffed panda, a photo album with pictures of our family, treats for all the kids in the orphanage and a letter introducing ourselves Mercy.  Around the Chinese New Year we sent Mercy a winter red silk dress and some more treats for all the kids and care takers.  For her birthday we had a cake, blanket and other gifts delivered.  Most recently we sent a letter to her care takers with a pair of sunglasses and a hat for Mercy.  We explained how the sunglight or any bright light hurts her eyes and these items would help her.  We asked that they please use them when they bring her to Shijiazhuang on Gotcha Day.  We thanked them for caring for her these first two years of her life.  We also thanked them for going above and beyond to keep us connected to her during the wait with lots of pictures and  three videos.  I truly believe in my heart that they have cared for her to the best of their ability.  I don't believe Mercy has been intentionally or maliciously neglected at all.  Her care takers have given us gifts in these moments of her life that they have captured for us.  Every time I watch the videos I see people who genuinely care for her.  I not only believe that the care takers adore her, but the other children seem to get a kick out of her too.  They are sweet with her and went out of their way to make her birthday special.  I keep saying to Scott that I think they are really going to miss her and that breaks my heart for the loss they will grieve.  I try to remember that often and pray for them.  This little girl will have left a mark on their hearts and when we bring her home I do believe they will miss her.  They may be excited for her to have a family, but they will miss her all the same.  I also find my heart breaking for the other kids in the pictures and videos.  Each child that I have seen has captivated me in some way or another.  They are going to watch her leave and know she is getting family, BUT they long for a family too and they will be left behind.  That is hard, really hard to swallow.  I know I can't save the world, I know we are only called to this one precious little girl (for now), but I also know that every single one of those children deserves a family to love them and a place to call home!  Things are not as they should be.  This world is so backwards and upside down.

I hope I get to meet many of these kids in person.  There is one little boy in particular who also has albinism.  We are planning to take him some sunglasses and baseball caps.  We have a picture of him outside and you can tell the sun is bothering him as his eyes are closed and his head hangs low.  So hopefully we will have the privilege of meeting him and giving him these gifts to help him.  If nothing else we will send them back with the orphanage director and pray hard that they make it to this little boy.

If you look at these pictures the running theme in every single one is a beautiful, healthy-looking and very smiley little girl who I can't wait to meet.  I long to see that same smile directed at me and to munch on those chubby cheeks!

So here you go, a little glimpse of the many faces over Mercy over the past 5 months...

Mercy at apx. 10 months old. (1/3/2011)

Our referral picture. (11/2012)

This one could be a portrait. (1/2013)

Sent to us in January.  Mercy is sporting the outfit we sent her. (1/2013)

Sent to us in March wearing the red silk dress we sent. (3/2013)

Mercy's birthday.  I hope to meet the woman in this picture. (3/3/2013)

Sticking our her tongue. (3/2013)

I love her expression in this one. (3/2013)

She's learning to walk. (3/2013)

What's this thing on my head? (4/2013)

Getting more stable on her feet. (4/2013)

The only thing holding those glasses over her eyes are those chubby cheeks of hers! (4/2013)

My Father-in-law said it best, "I'm cute and I know it and I'm ready to travel to America and meet my new family!"

Flights booked

We got confirmation on our appointment dates in Ch*na.  We are definitely having a Gotcha Day of May 13th, which means Mother's Day evening here.  Our consulate appointment is set for May 22nd.  This was not our first choice, it wasn't even our second choice, but at least it didn't get pushed to the following week.

Our flights are booked.  The Lord answered many of our prayers in regards to travel.  With all of the traveling Scott has done over the years we were praying and hoping to make use of some of his frequent flyer miles for this trip.  When Scott was booking our outbound flight there were no seats available for Award travel which meant we would have to purchase our seats or find a different flight.  While he was on the phone with the airline agent out of nowhere two seats suddenly popped up available and in the end he was able to book those very seats WITH his miles!!!  We have every reason to glorify the Lord over the flights we booked.  We were able to book our two flights to Ch*na and all three of our flights home, which if we had to pay out of pocket would have cost $5200.00, but thanks to those frequent flyer miles we only paid $577.00.  The out of pocket money was taxes and a fee they charge to guarantee that our three seats home are together.  After our disastrous trip home from California last fall I am here to tell you that fee is worth every cent to us!!!  We have been praying that we would be able to book the direct flight from Newark to Beijing and the direct flight from Hong Kong back to Newark and we were able to get both.  All of our travel there and back, exactly the way we wanted it, and at very little expense is yet another "exceedingly abundantly more than we could ask or imagine" moment in this journey.

When we had our travel phone conference with our case worker back in March one of the topics discussed was the substantial financial need required to complete the travel, gotcha day and final adoption fees.  The number was really high and needless to say we were coming up about $5,000 short on the total.  I specifically remember that night feeling that same blow-to-the-gut feeling I have felt several other times before.  Those moments where you forget about faith and God and instead trust in those old companions of doubt, worry and fear. Through what we are saving in our airline costs we have exactly what we need to finalize everything.  All our travel expenses, our government fees, our orphanage fees, our translator fees, it's all covered.  Amazing, isn't it?  Just amazing.

Travel Approval

After 13 days of waiting we received our Travel Approval (TA).  Thirteen days probably doesn't seem long and when you compare it to our 83 day Letter of Approval wait it should seem like nothing, but I am here to tell you that every single one of those 13 days felt very long.  Why does waiting feel so long?  This wait may have been the hardest yet and it was practically the shortest.  But the reason would be that this is it, this was the last piece of the puzzle for us to be able to go.  And we have been ready to GO for a long time now.

So here is how this last approval played out.  I want to write it down because it's one more testimony to glorify God in this journey that He has called us to.  On Wednesday I checked in with our caseworker as I was beginning to get concerned that if our TA didn't come we might be gone on May 31st.  There is nothing overly special about that day except this year it would be our boys' end of the year concert and my mommy heart did not want to miss it.  Our caseworker said we would need to get our TA by Friday to make travel dates work around us being home for the boys concert.  Panic began to set in as I was once again reminded that I have ZERO control over this.  So after much fretting I sent an email out to a few asking for prayer.  Prayer that our TA would come by Friday or that my heart could rest in peace if it didn't, but just to please pray.

On Thursday morning Scott and I, along with Matthew, headed to Spruce Lake Retreat Center for Matthew's 5th/6th grade overnight field trip.  It was a beautiful day and it was the perfect distraction to detour my mind from obsessing over this adoption.  I wish I could say that once we arrived I was so captivated by God's beautiful creation that my mind was fully distracted, but the truth is every single time my phone vibrated in my pocket I was sneaking a peak to be sure it wasn't our caseworker.  Even after the retreat leaders rules were no phones.  Oh well, I have never been a good rule follower anyway.

As the day went on I began feeling discouraged as I knew time was running out.  I even emailed our caseworker in the afternoon just to see if DHL had come and gone yet.  I was encouraged again when she replied they hadn't delivered yet and she would let me know when they did so I could stop fretting for the day.  Around 4pm the group we had traveled with were gathered together for prayer and a devotion.  Just as everyone bowed their heads to pray my phone began vibrating in my pocket.  I mentally paused but quickly thought "ah everyone's eyes should be closed anyway so I'll just peak quick to see who it is."  When I gently slid my phone out of my pocket to see it was our caseworker I jumped up, stumbled past my chair and out the door to answer the call.  I honestly don't know how much of a distraction I was during that prayer and if you were there please accept my apology.  There was no way I was letting that call go to voicemail.  Sure enough she was calling to say DHL had just delivered a package and inside was our Travel Approval.  She had a few things to go over with us and would email us a scanned copy so we could see it and she would follow up with the hard copy in the mail.  She was just as thrilled as we were because it meant we could travel in the time frame we were praying for.  I pulled Scott from the meeting and we hugged and cried and rejoiced together.

The whole of that moment was so surreal for us.  You see at this exact same time last year we were also away at Spruce Lake.  Only last year it was with our daughter on the same field trip.  At that time we had to break away from the retreat for an hour to have a conference call with our caseworker.  It was the first call of many as we worked through the home study and paperwork process of this adoption.  If you were there with us maybe you even remember.  So that phone call and all that paperwork from one year ago has now made a full circle because at the same time and place we now received our travel approval.

We are hoping to travel in two weeks.  If everything lines up than we will have our Gotcha Day on Monday, May 13th in Ch*na.  As you know Ch*na is 12 hours ahead so what that translates to for me is that I will be holding our sweet little Mercy in my arms on Mother's Day because technically here in PA it will still be Sunday night.  I cannot think of a better gift to get on Mother's Day!  I don't foresee there ever being a better gift in the future, but I know that while Mother's Day has always been an incredible sweet day for me over the past 12 years it is now soaring to a whole new level of sweet.

Please pray for us as we finalize our travel plans, childcare plans and begin to pack.  Pray for Mercy's heart to be ready for us and ours ready for her.  Pray for our kids as they face the reality of being away from mom and dad for a couple weeks and then adjusting to a little sister.

Two more weeks and all of this waiting will be over.  Two more weeks and we begin a new chapter in this journey.  Two more weeks and Mercy will no longer be an orphan!!!!!  Rejoice with us, praise be to God!

"Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!  O Lord, hear my voice!  Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!"  Psalm 130:1-2

Limited Sight Take Two

It is totally ironic, now, that when we first launched this blog we used a subtitle "A Journey of Faith With Limited Sight".  When we used that phrasing we were obviously talking about ourselves and this new journey we would walk to adopt a child that we could not see, a journey of faith to where we could not see how it would play out in just about every way.  Would we be approved, how would we complete the paperwork process, from where, how would we pay for it, will it be a girl or boy, what will their special need be, when will we know their face?  Then it became what part of Ch*na will we travel too.  when will we travel, will we be able to handle her special need, how will attachment and bonding go, will Ch*na give us approval for her? There were so many unknowns, there still are, really the only thing we can stand firm on was that we were to adopt, everything else was a question of the unknown.  Faith is believing in what you can't see, so it was stepping out into the unknown that made this a Journey of Faith With Limited Sight.  Now, today I am finding it extremely ironic that our daughter, who waits for us until she comes home, will also have limited sight.  Hers, however, will be a physical condition.  Who knew the day we launched this that we would adopt a little girl with Albinism, and would have vision impairment?  God knew.  We don't know and won't know the extent of Mercy's vision, how well she can or can't see, but we are assured there will be a deficiency of some kind.  So our faith is stretched even more with unknowns because of a "limited sight" need we will face.  It's just crazy to me to think about it now.  It is also fascinating because I've talked with so many now who have a child with albinism and a few adults who have it too.  Their vision impairment doesn't "limit" them at all.  Thankfully we have five senses and so they tend to use the other four to compensate for the limit of one.  I look forward to watching how Mercy will be, wonder if her vision will "limit" her or just be nothing.  It also makes me think about how, though we all have five senses, during this faith walk my ability to see has been limited by the unknowns.  I have struggled to see God working His good and perfect plan in all of it.  I have sometimes let my feelings navigate for me instead of His vision.  That is not good, I need to rely more on my other senses, like hearing, that is hearing the Word of God and listening for His still small voice.  And my sense of taste, that is in tasting and seeing that the Lord is good, and my sense of smell, Jesus being the aroma, and even my sense of touch, allowing God to touch those deep corners in my heart that continually fear this whole process.  I'm thinking Mercy will teach me a lot about living with limited sight. Maybe, just maybe, she already is.

Here is a video that gives a glimpse into how a person with Albinism sees, what Mercy's sight might possibly be when we bring her home.   What Can I See