Still parting waters today.

Matthew often wishes that he could witness miracles like in the Old Testament.  He wants to see a burning bush speak, water turned into wine, a paralytic healed or an entire sea parted in two.  Tonight I shared with him how I believe he is about to witness a miracle of Old Testament times, but his eyes have to be truly open to see it.  I believe the Lord IS parting the waters, right before our very eyes.  The reality is there is an entire ocean that separates us from Mercy.  When we are in Ch*na and we have her and it is time to bring her home the Pacific Ocean is a huge expanse of water separating us in Ch*na from everyone we know here at home in the US.  We may not stand on the edge of the Pacific Ocean and wait for the Lord to split the water in two and provide a path to cross, but He is still "splitting the water in two" when we board that plane to fly over.  Do you see it?  It's the same miracle!!!  That body of water is a barrier and the Lord has provided a way through it, or in our case over it.  Just as the Israelites fled for Freedom through the red sea, Mercy will fly for her freedom here in her new home with her new family, and God is guiding it and He has provided for it.

It was a teary night here.  We went out to dinner with the kids and my mom.  We reflected on each of our kids and the first moment they joined our family.  We talked about each one of them, their delivery, how they were as a baby what they have brought to our family.  We pondered what Mercy has already brought to our family and wondered about what else is in store. We went to Rita's for dessert and then came home and spent time praying together.  The kids prayers started my tears, my tears started Matthew's tears (we are the emotional ones in the family), and we hugged and kissed...ALOT.  My heart is so full.  My kids are great and they are so ready for this and their prayers reflected that.  They don't want to be away from mom and dad for two weeks, but they are willing to make the sacrifice because they want their little sister home.

I know that Gotcha Day is going to be amazing.  Even if it's hard, horrible or she hates us, it will be amazing.  But what is going to be even more amazing is May 24th.  That is the day we will step off the plane with Mercy in our arms and our three other children will be awaiting that arrival.  That friends, for me is going to be a glorious day!  All four of my kids in the same place at the same moment in time.  That is the moment I truly cannot wait for!

Last picture as a family of five.  (if we look tired to you it's because WE ARE)

Yes Mercy, these are the siblings God has chosen for you.  Their silliness will rub off on you soon enough!

Packing is it's own labor.

I know as mothers we don't truly remember our pains in childbirth, but I'm telling you packing for this trip has to be something close.

Here are a few moments in the life of packing...

Babies R' Us to the right, our closet to the back and CVS Pharmacy to the left.

All the above has now become this.  So much for packing light!

Ch*na Survival Kit

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Our sweet friend Amy Kriebel made these gift bag tags for our civil affairs officers and caretaker gifts.

Mrs. Incredible and a slight change of plans.

We wanted to give you an update on our adoption as so much has changed in the past 24 hours.  We received our itinerary this morning and we were a little shocked that it had us staying in Beijing for the entire first week.  It turns out that Mercy's province is providing a bit of difficulty during stage of the adoption. 

In a normal adoption process (for Ch*na) a family will travel to the capital of their child's province.  The orphanage transports their child to the capital from their residing city within the province.  You meet your child at the civil affairs office where a govt. official "witnesses" your gotcha moment.  Then you stay in your child's province for 1 week and at some  point during that week return to the civil affairs office to finalize the adoption in province. 

Mercy's province does very few international adoptions.  This was something that we learned early on.  Mercy's orphanage specifically has no experience in international adoption.   We have been told that the Hebei Province (where she is from) is being very difficult.  They do not want Mercy brought to the capital for a gotcha day.  This was all very troubling at the onset, but as we had to work through many things today we are beginning to see how God's Sovereign hand continues to reign in this adoption.

You see because the govt officials do not want Mercy brought to the capital, that means we actually will go directly to her orphanage and get her!!!  This means we are guaranteed to visit her place of residence and meet those who have been taking care of her.  This is actually an answer to prayer because not every family gets the privilege of going to their child's orphanage.  We will have time to ask her caretaker questions about her via our translator.  We were told we can stay as long as the process needs to.  Not sure what that really translate to. 

We will actually leave with Mercy and return back to Beijing on a high speed train that very same day.  This will need to be covered in prayer.  This day is traumatic enough for every adopted child.  Most families get to retreat back to a local hotel room so if their child is struggling they have the privacy of their hotel room to let their child grieve or to work towards bonding and getting to know their child.  We on the other hand will have to travel on a 2 hour train ride.  So this poor little girl has to not only deal with these two totally strange people taking her from the only home she knows, but then we are going to take her on a train.  It is most likely something she has never experienced before.  We have no idea how she will respond to this.  She may cry the entire time, she may be so emotionally spent she conks out or she may just shut down and show any reaction at all.  There is no way of knowing until we are there.  But my momma heart hates that she has to endure so much so quickly.

On a positive note, we head back to our hotel in Beijing where we will have already spent two nights.  We will have some time to prepare for her "hotel-homecoming" and we completely eliminate staying in Beijing for one night, packing up and dragging all our luggage to her province to unpack again.  We will only have two hotel stays this entire trip, one week each.  That is huge!  The other positive is that while we can't speak from experience we are pretty confident that Beijing will be slightly more westernized then Mercy's province.  We are more likely to see other American faces.  It is much more touristy so there is more to accommodate foreigners.  We also opted out of any sightseeing in Beijing for financial reasons, but now we will have the opportunity to tour the Great Wall, Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City, and/or the Olympic Village, all depending on how our girly is doing.  We are more likely to find people who speak English and we are more likely to find western toilets!!!  (yes, I'm still slightly freaked by the squatty potty)

Now for another down side.  We will spend all day Tuesday and Wednesday in Beijing, but Thursday we will have to travel back to Mercy's province by train again.  This time we will travel to the capital to the civil affairs office to finalize the in-province part of the adoption.  When we are done we will hopefully do a little sightseeing around her province and try to snap some pictures for her of where she is from, then back on the train and back to Beijing where we will spend one more night.  We will catch a plane early Friday morning for our flight down to Guangzhou where we will spend our second week processing the US side of the adoption.

Our caseworker shared that she has never had anything like this happen before.  She also said that while this is so not normal, she has every confidence that it will all be fine.  She also feels that we will be much better served by the guide and translator in Beijing and feels we will enjoy our time there more.  Overall we see a lot more positive than negative.  It does break my heart that we won't get to experience her province's culture, not for myself, but for her.  It would be nice to have these things to share with her when she is older.

I often admire Mrs. Incredible in the movie "The Incredibles."  She has the power to stretch and be flexible in crazy situations and various trials her family faces as they fight evil villains.  I want to be flexible and stretch for my family too.  I especially want to be flexible when those evil villains control, fear and worry battle against  the good of surrender, trust, and faith.  This adoption has definitely made me more aware of how stiff and inflexible I can be.  But just like a new rubber band, after much stretching becomes more loose and can be stretched further with each use, I hope that the more opportunities I have to be stretched (and this adoption has provided MANY) the more flexible I will become too.  

Only three more sleeps!!!

The Story of a Little Girl

This morning was our last Sunday at church as a family of five.  Scott was given an opportunity to share a short testimony of our adoption to date.  Our pastor and church family prayed for us as we prepare to leave.  It was a beautiful morning, filled with tears, excitement and encouragement.  Even the worship and scriptures read this morning lifted my spirit as there was a continued theme of trusting in the Lord.  I was so proud of Scott this morning.  He spoke with poise, he spoke gently and he shared such a beautiful story that I almost forgot it's my story too!  With Jesus we have every spiritual blessing and that includes our church family.

Here is what Scott shared this morning:

"I’d like to tell you the story of a little girl.  For reasons we may never know, this little girl’s family wasn’t able to provide for all of her needs.  And in January of last year she was placed in an orphanage in northern China.  On that exact same day, half a world away, a family whose hearts had been stirred by God to bring another child into their family was officially accepted into China’s adoption program.  Though the child and family knew nothing about each other, God’s perfect plan was already unfolding.  Almost a year later, the first day that child’s name appeared on China’s shared adoption list was also the first time our family was eligible to be matched from that list – and the Lord’s sovereign hand connected our paths for good.  Though there was a huge distance between us, and she still had no idea we existed, we loved her and were willing to take on all of the obstacles in the way to bring her into our family.

For those who don’t know our story – this is Mercy, and yes she is Chinese, but she has a condition known as albinism.  Her body does not produce normal levels of pigment, so she has very pale skin and white hair.  As a father (and mother), we look at her picture and feel a love in our hearts for her that is unexplainable, save that we are made in the image and likeness of God.  And this process has given us such fresh insight into the heart of God for His children.  Mercy’s story is also my story (and your story.)  My earthly family was not capable of providing for all of my needs, but there was a heavenly father that could.  And though there was a huge gap between us, and I still had no idea He existed, He loved me (and He loved you.)  And He was willing to take on all of the obstacles in the way to bring us into His family.  While we were still rejecting Him or ignoring Him or just otherwise oblivious to Him, He paid a heavy price in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross to open the door for us to be adopted into His glorious kingdom.

Though it was nothing like His sacrifice, we also had to pay a heavy price in time and resources to allow our daughter to come home (which we are now on the brink of accomplishing).  But we have been blessed by tremendous help from our family (and that’s all of you!)  From the start of this process we have been shown overwhelming support, and we wanted to take this time to deeply thank you all.  Our spaghetti dinner (believe it or not) was a year ago yesterday.  And it humbles me to this day to remember the willingness and eagerness that so many of you showed to give of your time and energy as well as financially.  So much food and so many auction items donated; so many hands volunteered to do the work of setting up and cooking and serving and cleaning up; such a blessing to our souls to feel the unconditional support of our church family!  And that was just the beginning.  In the weeks and months that have passed since then we are constantly asked “How are things going?”, “What can I do to help?”, “Here’s something I thought you could use?”, and “What specifically can I pray about for you?”

And let me tell you we have felt those prayers all along the journey.  God has provided consistently, “exceedingly abundantly more than we can ask or imagine”.  Making sure we had all of the funds we needed exactly when we needed them.  Connecting us with complete strangers who had kids with similar conditions as Mercy to encourage us when our spirits were low.  Having a couple of seats open up on the “fully booked” flight we wanted appear just as we called to make a reservation.  But most of all – providing a supernatural sense of peace about bringing Mercy into our home – even in the face of doubts and fears.  I don’t want to paint an unfair picture – those doubts and fears still do come.  Like countless others before us, no matter how many times God provides, we still question “But what about this?”, “Can I really trust you to provide that?”  But God has been faithful to bring us peace in our hearts when we remember to focus on Him.  And thanks to so many of you who have helped us to get our focus back on Him when we needed it most.

Adoption is not easy (and we’re just getting started!)  There are so many of you here that have gone before us, and have so much more to tell than we do.  And we have benefited greatly from your friendship and experience and wise council – thank you so much for your time and patience, sharing your journey with us and illuminating God’s work in the lives of your families.  We look forward to being able to do the same someday, and share our stories of God’s grace to those who take this journey next.  Let me encourage those who may be hearing the call of James “to care for orphans” in your lives, but are filled with fear or feelings of inadequacy – we have those feelings too, but we are not in this alone!  When I first thought about putting Mercy’s picture up on the screen – the thought struck me that I don’t even need to!  Because most of you already look at her picture every day.  She’s hanging on refrigerators and bulletin boards, in picture frames and on computer desktops all around this region.  The world looks at her and sees a poor little orphan girl without a family – but the reality is she has a huge family!  A family that is anxiously waiting with open arms to gather her in.  Eagerly anticipating her arrival to shower unconditional love upon her.  And at the front of the line is Jesus Christ himself who longs for her to know Him, and trust Him, and love Him as He loves her.

Our ultimate prayer is not that Mercy will have a better life, or have her medical needs met more effectively, or bring joy to our home – though we do hope for all those things.  Our deepest prayer is that she would know Jesus and receive His salvation from sin.  And we are so glad to have all of you, as her extended family to help her to find Him.

Isaiah 43 

1 But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.

4 Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.

5 Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.

6 I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,

7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”

We leave for China this Friday, May the 10^th.  If all goes according to plan, Mercy will be in our arms on Mother’s Day – what a gift, right? 

Thanks for being such good stewards of God’s grace.  Thanks for supporting us, encouraging us, and lifting us up in prayer.  Thanks for opening your hearts to our Mercy, just as you have to Michaela, Matthew, and Mason and for sharing your walks of faith with them.  We couldn’t do this without you.

Thank you!"

This is the picture that was up on the screen.

One Anniversary to the next

One year ago today we had 250 of some of our closest friends, family, and supporters and even a few people we didn't know gather together for a Spaghetti Dinner.  That evening the Lord poured out blessings beyond measure.  We raised enough to cover all of the fees for our paperwork processing and left a little extra for things that laid ahead.  One year ago today, on that same night Scott and I were also celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary.  Many didn't know it at the time, but we couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than gathering so many together to share our new passion for adoption.  You can read a past blog post here:  Spaghetti Dinner  The Lord had more in store for that evening then helping to provide for our adoption.  A healing took place that night that will forever be impressed on my heart, you can read about it here:  Grace and Healing

So today now marks 17 years of wedding bliss (sometimes not so bliss) for the two of us.  One year later and here we are just one week away from landing in a foreign country that will change the life we know today forever.  It's crazy really.  I keep asking how we ever got on this road.  Some days I am so excited and other days I feel so inadequate, terrified really.  But everyday I'm thankful.  Thankful for a husband who is such a great support and who from the beginning has taken the lead on this journey.  Thankful for a Lord who is so personal that He has addressed everyone of my fears.  So thankful for my kids who have embraced in their hearts this little sister they have never met.  So thankful for our family and friends who have lifted us up when we were weary, encouraged our hearts, supported us and prayed.  I'm thankful that the whole of this part of the journey is nearing an end and a new one beginning.  I'm thankful for 17 years of highs and lows with a husband who puts up with more than any man should.  I often jokingly refer to him as Mr. Mercy, now to become the father of our daughter Mercy. He has always had the gift of mercy, and now he will have the gift of Mercy.

 We have made many memories over past anniversaries, but these may become some of the most memorable along the way.  Thanks Scott for being a great husband, father and for being the god-fearing Jesus seeking man that you are.  Happy Anniversary, I love you.

The many faces of Mercy

I want to share a few pictures that we have received along the way.  You can see how she has changed since we first met her in November.  I want to plug a private service called Lady Bugs N' Love who we have been blessed to use.  They are a third party service in Ch*na who offers care package services, cake deliveries, picture and update requests as well as letter translation if you would like to write your child during the wait.  The benefit of using someone in country is that anything shipped from here will cause the orphanage or foster home to be charged import taxes.  Many of these places do not have the money to pay these fees and will turn care packages and gifts away.  When you use a source like Lady Bugs N' Love then everything is bought and shipped in Ch*na.  We have put her service to use many times during the last 5 months.  Early on we sent a care package with an outfit, a stuffed panda, a photo album with pictures of our family, treats for all the kids in the orphanage and a letter introducing ourselves Mercy.  Around the Chinese New Year we sent Mercy a winter red silk dress and some more treats for all the kids and care takers.  For her birthday we had a cake, blanket and other gifts delivered.  Most recently we sent a letter to her care takers with a pair of sunglasses and a hat for Mercy.  We explained how the sunglight or any bright light hurts her eyes and these items would help her.  We asked that they please use them when they bring her to Shijiazhuang on Gotcha Day.  We thanked them for caring for her these first two years of her life.  We also thanked them for going above and beyond to keep us connected to her during the wait with lots of pictures and  three videos.  I truly believe in my heart that they have cared for her to the best of their ability.  I don't believe Mercy has been intentionally or maliciously neglected at all.  Her care takers have given us gifts in these moments of her life that they have captured for us.  Every time I watch the videos I see people who genuinely care for her.  I not only believe that the care takers adore her, but the other children seem to get a kick out of her too.  They are sweet with her and went out of their way to make her birthday special.  I keep saying to Scott that I think they are really going to miss her and that breaks my heart for the loss they will grieve.  I try to remember that often and pray for them.  This little girl will have left a mark on their hearts and when we bring her home I do believe they will miss her.  They may be excited for her to have a family, but they will miss her all the same.  I also find my heart breaking for the other kids in the pictures and videos.  Each child that I have seen has captivated me in some way or another.  They are going to watch her leave and know she is getting family, BUT they long for a family too and they will be left behind.  That is hard, really hard to swallow.  I know I can't save the world, I know we are only called to this one precious little girl (for now), but I also know that every single one of those children deserves a family to love them and a place to call home!  Things are not as they should be.  This world is so backwards and upside down.

I hope I get to meet many of these kids in person.  There is one little boy in particular who also has albinism.  We are planning to take him some sunglasses and baseball caps.  We have a picture of him outside and you can tell the sun is bothering him as his eyes are closed and his head hangs low.  So hopefully we will have the privilege of meeting him and giving him these gifts to help him.  If nothing else we will send them back with the orphanage director and pray hard that they make it to this little boy.

If you look at these pictures the running theme in every single one is a beautiful, healthy-looking and very smiley little girl who I can't wait to meet.  I long to see that same smile directed at me and to munch on those chubby cheeks!

So here you go, a little glimpse of the many faces over Mercy over the past 5 months...

Mercy at apx. 10 months old. (1/3/2011)

Our referral picture. (11/2012)

This one could be a portrait. (1/2013)

Sent to us in January.  Mercy is sporting the outfit we sent her. (1/2013)

Sent to us in March wearing the red silk dress we sent. (3/2013)

Mercy's birthday.  I hope to meet the woman in this picture. (3/3/2013)

Sticking our her tongue. (3/2013)

I love her expression in this one. (3/2013)

She's learning to walk. (3/2013)

What's this thing on my head? (4/2013)

Getting more stable on her feet. (4/2013)

The only thing holding those glasses over her eyes are those chubby cheeks of hers! (4/2013)

My Father-in-law said it best, "I'm cute and I know it and I'm ready to travel to America and meet my new family!"

Flights booked

We got confirmation on our appointment dates in Ch*na.  We are definitely having a Gotcha Day of May 13th, which means Mother's Day evening here.  Our consulate appointment is set for May 22nd.  This was not our first choice, it wasn't even our second choice, but at least it didn't get pushed to the following week.

Our flights are booked.  The Lord answered many of our prayers in regards to travel.  With all of the traveling Scott has done over the years we were praying and hoping to make use of some of his frequent flyer miles for this trip.  When Scott was booking our outbound flight there were no seats available for Award travel which meant we would have to purchase our seats or find a different flight.  While he was on the phone with the airline agent out of nowhere two seats suddenly popped up available and in the end he was able to book those very seats WITH his miles!!!  We have every reason to glorify the Lord over the flights we booked.  We were able to book our two flights to Ch*na and all three of our flights home, which if we had to pay out of pocket would have cost $5200.00, but thanks to those frequent flyer miles we only paid $577.00.  The out of pocket money was taxes and a fee they charge to guarantee that our three seats home are together.  After our disastrous trip home from California last fall I am here to tell you that fee is worth every cent to us!!!  We have been praying that we would be able to book the direct flight from Newark to Beijing and the direct flight from Hong Kong back to Newark and we were able to get both.  All of our travel there and back, exactly the way we wanted it, and at very little expense is yet another "exceedingly abundantly more than we could ask or imagine" moment in this journey.

When we had our travel phone conference with our case worker back in March one of the topics discussed was the substantial financial need required to complete the travel, gotcha day and final adoption fees.  The number was really high and needless to say we were coming up about $5,000 short on the total.  I specifically remember that night feeling that same blow-to-the-gut feeling I have felt several other times before.  Those moments where you forget about faith and God and instead trust in those old companions of doubt, worry and fear. Through what we are saving in our airline costs we have exactly what we need to finalize everything.  All our travel expenses, our government fees, our orphanage fees, our translator fees, it's all covered.  Amazing, isn't it?  Just amazing.