A Face From the Past

We had the most incredible night tonight.  We had a hair raising, goose pimple making, certainly divine moment that has baffled my mind ever since.  This post may not make sense to everyone who reads it, but to those who know us well and walked every step of this adoption journey with us fasten your seatbelt because you are in for one heck of a thrill.

You may remember back during our home study our hearts were drawn to a little girl named DiDi.  We were not sure why this particular child drew us in, but we knew we needed to pursue her.  We contacted an agency that held her file by the name of Gladney.  To make a long story short we pursued this little girl hard, we prayed hard for this girl, we cried many tears over this little girl.   In the end she was matched with another family.  We were crushed, so much so that I still followed her. I regularly checked the Gladney website to make sure nothing in her status changed.  One day I noticed her file was gone.  I contacted Gladney to find out why because if the match fell through then we might still have a chance.  Instead I found out that DiDi had become very ill and the CCCWA closed her adoption file.  It was heartbreaking, the heartache of it all is still there even as I type.  If you know us then you know DiDi held a special place in our hearts.

DiDi had albinism.  This was a special need we had not originally considered and one we had not checked off on our medical list.  But after we met DiDi's face and received her file we began studying up on it and decided we would step out in faith and check Albinism off.  After all, it was the only way we could pursue DiDi.  Well if it had not been for DiDi captivating our hearts early on we would have never been matched with Mercy.  As we looked back after reviewing Mercy's file we thanked The Lord often for using DiDi to lead us to Mercy.

Tonight our guide took a group of us out for dinner.  As we were walking back to the hotel one of the woman came up to me with tears in her eyes and said that before they were matched with their daughter they had been previously matched with a little girl with Albinism just like Mercy and that Mercy was reminding her of their other daughter.  I immediately without even thinking spewed out "was her name DiDi?"  Hilda's eyes grew wide and she said "how did you know?"  We stared at each other, chills running down our spines, goosebumps covering our bodies as I shared our story with her.    We cried together as DiDi holds such a special place in both our hearts.  You see DiDi passed away shortly after she was matched with this sweet couple.  It's a heartbreaking story and it happens more than you would think.  They are now happily in love with there new daughter, but still bare wounds from the loss of DiDi.

It was one of the most insane and surreal moments to know that The Lord brought our two families to China at the exact same time, grouped us together in the exact same group and gave us this divine moment.  It blows my mind!  I have prayed so often that The Lord would give me closure over DiDi.  I have prayed to know what happened.  Tonight The Lord answered those prayers in a way that only He could get the glory.  My heart hurts to know DiDi lived on this earth never knowing the love of an earthly father, but it rejoices tonight with many tears to know she is now in the arms of her Heavenly Father where she will never be an orphan again.

I have had to seek forgiveness for so many things tonight.  The grumbling and complaining I have done over the past few months because we didn't travel when I wanted to.  Well God had such a bigger plan in store, He had such an incredible blessing waiting for me and I would have missed it.  We truly are in China at the PERFECT God-given time.  And then there are all those doubts and all those fears.  Perfect love casts out fear.  It's true because I'm living in the truth of it this very night.  Mercy was intended to be ours and The Lord lead us to her in His perfect way, in His perfect timing, starting with the face of this one little angel.  I want to give Him the glory for the gift He has given me in her.  Thank you Lord that your ways are higher then mine.

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,

nor the heart of man imagined,

what God has prepared for those who love him”— I Corinthians 2:9

These are pictures of DiDi that I held onto.  RIP sweetheart, snuggle deep into Jesus arms and rest.